APPLE: You're Never Word-Processed Without a File, Finale

APPLE: We Got APPLE, We Think We're Gonna, PC Street

APPLE: Computers, Dumb DOS

APPLE: Maybe, Basic Talk

APPLE: It's the Low-Tech Life

(to be sung to the music of ANNIE as arranged by Ralph Burns)

Query re: APPLE, A Computer Musical

August 29, 1983


Editor
POPULAR COMPUTING

Dear Sir or Madam,

Would your magazine be interested in a "computer musical"--a take-off on the Broadway hit ANNIE? It's called APPLE but does not refer exclusively to any one brand. It concerns a husband considering the purchase of a PC and his reluctant wife who finally take the plunge and become enthusiastic computer owners. I have re-written the lyrics for ten of Ralph Burns' songs, including some which I've titled It's the Low-Tech Life for Us, Dumb DOS, We Got Apple and PC Street.

Thank you for considering this.

Sincerely,
(Mrs.) Jessica Shaver

(Identical letters sent to PERSONAL COMPUTING, MICROCOMPUTING and MicroDiscovery.)


POPULAR COMPUTING
September 2, 1983

"Dear Mrs. Shaver,
Thank you for your letter of August 29 with regards to a take off of the musical Annie. At this time, however, it does not meet our current editorial needs. . ."


PERSONAL COMPUTING
September 9, 1983

"Dear Mrs. Shaver:
Thank you for submitting your article entitled 'APPLE'. . . Unfortunately, we feel your submission is not geared toward our current audience. . ."



MICROCOMPUTING

September 19, 1983

"Dear Mrs. Shaver,
Thank you for your recent letter concerning several article proposals. . .Unfortunately, this is not what we are looking for at this time. . ."


MicroDiscovery
September 20, 1983

"Dear Mrs. Shaver:
Thanks for sending your query, but it's not quite right for us. . . "


March 6, 1984

Mr. Ralph Burns
American Society of
   Composers, Authors and Publishers
ASCAP Building
One Lincoln Plaza
New York, NY 10023

Dear Mr. Burns:

I am a freelance writer (not a songwriter) and I find myself in a strange predicament. I have written lyrics to music which you composed and which, because of elaborate copyrights, I cannot sell.

A few months ago, while listening to the soundtrack from ANNIE I found myself writing a take-off to it and ten songs later I had developed a "computer musical"--a musical about home computers. It seemed appropriate to name it APPLE.

I contacted a woman in Hollywood who told me that for $75 she would see if it would be possible to obtain permission for me to sell the lyrics to a magazine (such as MAD or Popular Computing) and for $250 she would get me the permission if it were obtainable.

If I had $250 and were to spend it on getting permission to sell the lyrics, I do not know of any market interested in buying them. I sell articles on moral issues and the family, not songs.

But I enjoyed writing the words and am convinced that someone familiar with the music for which they are written--someone like the composer himself--would enjoy reading them.

So I enclose these songs, solely for your enjoyment. They are free (as long as they aren't used for publication). Of course I would be happy to know that you did receive them and that you got a kick out of them too but there are no strings attached.

Sincerely,
Jessica Shaver

SONG: The Banana Slug Song

CALIFORNIA STATE MOLLUSK?  

BANANA SLUG SONG

The banana slug
is the slug for me.
He's what every mollusk
wishes he could be.
I love him.
I can hardly stand
to touch the creature
with my hand.
Nothing's quite as ug-
ly as banana slug.

     In March, 1988 the boys and girls of a Campfire club in Redwood City, mostly 8-year-olds, were studying government and natural resources. California already had an official reptile (desert tortoise), an official insect (California dog-face butterfly), and an official rock (serpentine). They wanted to sponsor legislation declaring the banana slug official state mollusk.
     The children did not choose the slug lightly. They argued that the banana slug is a protector of vulnerable seedlings in coastal redwood forests, a hungry consumer of poison oak and decaying leaves Its droppings help fertilize the forest.
     Assemblyman Byron Sher sponsored AB3007 and the state legislature passed the bill 42-30. But the Senate shot it down 18-3. "Banana Slug Squashed as State Mollusk," read the Los Angeles Times on May 30.
     Some senators complained that such bills trivialize the legislative process. One of them said, "This is one of those items that makes you wonder why we are here. It's embarrassing." Others argued for the red abalone instead. Another called the slug "repulsive." He added, "Those things are not only not edible, but they are horrible. I understand they are so salty they can't be used for anything."
     Googling banana slug just now, 22 years later, I found sites that say the bill passed Assembly and Senate only to be vetoed by the governor and I found sites that claim it is the state mollusk. But as far as I know, the only time it reached the Senate, the bill failed and to date, the position of official mollusk for the state of California has not been filled.
     I say if we can have an official rock, we can have an official mollusk. And I don't see what tasting horrible has to do with it. Since when do we determine our state flower, reptile, insect or rock on the basis of taste? Since when do we eat our state bird? Why would we eat our state mollusk?



Photo by Greg Bodi via Wikimedia Commons.
Song by Jessica Shaver, to be sung to theme song from The Pajama Game